:D

hi blogi....


tonight was the dinner.....its not been more than two hours since the guests left....and im tooo tired.....and dont feel like typin anything....but on the other hand....im toooo happy too :D:D:D:D:D:D .......cant describe anything ryte now.....


just a few words.....EVERYTHING ROCKED......i mean it... everything....from the food to the seating arrangement......from the decoration to clothes.....and above all......the guests , SOMEONE and off course my hair style :D:D:D......(and im NOT trynna exagerate anythihng :@)



luv *U* :)

keep rockin...

and tonight....i dedicate U the song *Please Forgive Me* by Bryan Adams.....(wud b posting the lyrix tomorow....hope U dont mind :S )

The Burnin' Me - Wrath of Hatred

yeah...man im soooo amazed ....how cud ppl b so mean....u were the one who used to give those heavy yet meaningful statements....i think i need not remind ya of all those promises and woos.....areej how did i ever live without u....damn....these words still echo in my mind...my heart....huuh.....was a big fool i ever trusted ya....sid u never deserved me....or else i didnt deserve ya.....and i wud have been a lot happier if u had never come into my life.....i hate those days...u destroyed me, my career, my repute....everything.....u dont even know wat i did for ya.....those thousands of rupees wud have meant a lot to skmh and sigh u nevaeven noticed....my friends meant a lot to me and i meant a lot to them....but just coz of ya....i destroyed my whole family life, my friendships.....still ashamed of shouting at my father coz he thot sooper S and aqsu were intelligent enuff for not knowing ya...huhhh....wish u had ever realized wat risks i was taking just for u......how hardly/harshly u have played with me......the way u used me.....nobody wracked this warrior so badly.....nobody ever dared........and me....just impressed by the shit u always popped up with....dammit.....



If there exists a flood of hatred.....then this is surely wat im flowin/sinkin in rite now.....



is this how u treat sumone u used to live for......man im impressed....as always...main tumharay iss idea say bhee bohat impress hui hun....aik woh wakt tha when one of my telephone lines was always bz....with u...when that fone used to ring at least thrice a day....and it was the same voice every time i piked it up....and that surely was urs....u never hesitated callin me even at 4 or 5 ams....coz i was like a free counsellour for u....just at a distance of one call....u dial 536635 and there i was consoling ya....cheerin ya up with my jokes....listening to ur woos....how u had a fight with ur mom....how riba betrayed u....how nab hurt ya....and afterwards how zainy wud tease ya with those cheap one-liners......and now.....its only been 24 days since u last called me.....man.....its okay.....im quite happy with that....dont worry....i'll myself call ya on 3rd march...after a whole month....just to chk if there really has been any affect on u after not talking to sumone whom, u said, u supposed as sumthing totally urs, for whom u lived sum time back, who....... ok...forget it....pichli batoon ko repeat kernay ka kiya faida....wud just hurt me more and give sooper s and aqsu another chance of laffin at me......



u knew....26th of feb was quite an imp day for me.....and u dared not gimme a call and console.....and remember.....the 27th of dec,the 21st of jan-04, the 14th of feb, the 24th june, and all those imp days of ur life....when i was the first one to come and offer ya a shoulder.....and how i got dismissed just coz of u.....how i was getting a bad name only coz i was found with ya.....the way i missed my papers just to b with u coz i thot u needed me more than those grades that i needed.....im hurt....really a lot.... everybody still makes fun of me abt the way i had a fight with mrs. sarfraz coz she made a hell of scandel....and it was me....only me.....who defended u more than defending my own self.....and i wish i had never had an arguement with my brother just for someone who's you......huhhhhhhhhhhh......



huuhhh.....now im tooo happy for zainy being expelled from school.....yeah dude....u deserved that.....i really had no personal enmity againt zain.....but u left me for sumone whom u met harldy a few months back.....this was bound to happen.....but believe me yarr.....if u had just called me once......asked me once (and i DO NOT say requested)......i wud have done anything and everything to persuade muneeb to leave all that.....and i bet zainy wudnt have been expelled.....but u have not been fair towards me.....neither has zainy been fair towards muneeb....huhhh.....wat wud ya have done if i had punched ur zainy at face....haan....yeah.....thats y im with muneeb.....and im happy to tell him that he really has now taken the position for which he was always jealous of ya.....and i have got no regrets.......




i proudly admit/declare :-


AMERICANS R BASTIDS....(all they know is how to play with words and hearts)!!!

one shud listen to wat one's parents and friends say...

ur career shud always b ur first priority.....after ur family....

friends r only very few in this world....one cant have all of 'em....so just b happy with the handful u have....dont search for any more.....




okay......thats enuff.....i guess im no more sad or wateva.....if u dont give a fuck abt me....then i too havent got any free fucks for u....need a screw...get it from zainy.... havent got one for u.....and dont mind....i never meant to say wateva i just wrote....may b its all out of anger or may b its all outta luv.....and i hope i wont b regreting for all this afterwards.....coz im already regreting a lot for wasting a whole precious year of my life......and i don wanna waste any thing, any more.....



i luv a lot of ppl....and i wish i dont luv u any more....u were just like a gud dream with a bad tabeer (wateva it is in english)....had fun with u when we two were together......had sum best moments with u....now i wish u all the best for ur life with zaini.....and as u said "Areej, tumhii nay tu hamari shadi kerwani hay" dont worry.... i'll do that one more favour upon u.....just as a token of luv u bestowed on me during those days when i was lonely,down,frustrated and needed care....and i hope u wont be revealing those secrets i dared tell sumone for the first n last time just in friendship....



and the last thing.....do NOT misjudge me.....i never was....and never wud b jealous of sumone who's merely zainy.....u said i was a down to earth person....and sooper S giggled that u only meant zameen per girri hui.....if u really meant that....than its quite okay to think the way u r.... now-a-days....

Two Steps Behind.....

Walk away if you want to.
It's OK, if you need to.
Well, U can run, but U can never hide
from the shadow that's creepin' up beside U.



And, there's a magic runnin' through ur soul,
But U can't have it all.

(Whatever U do)
I'll be two steps behind u

(Wherever U go)
And I'll be there to remind u

that it only takes a minute of ur precious time
to turn around and I'll be two steps behind.



Yeah, yeah.
Take the time to think about it.
Just walk the line, you know you just can't fight it
And take a look around, you'll see what you can't find,
Like the fire that's burnin' up inside me.



And, there's a magic runnin' through ur soul,
But U can't have it all.

(Whatever U do)
I'll be two steps behind u

(Wherever U go)
And I'll be there to remind u

that it only takes a minute of ur precious time
to turn around and I'll be two steps behind.



Yeah, yeah.
Oh.



And, there's a magic runnin' through ur soul,
But U can't have it all.

(Whatever U do)
I'll be two steps behind u

(Wherever U go)
And I'll be there to remind u

that it only takes a minute of ur precious time
to turn around and I'll be two steps behind.



Yeah, baby.
Two steps behind
Oh, sugar,
Two steps behind.

Confusions / Misunderstandings OR ......

i dont get it man...dammnnn.....wats the prob with my life......y does everybody....and i mean it.....EVERYBODY......misinterpret me or wateva i say.....i dont understand that whether theres sum prob with ppl around me or the real prob lies within me....??? im really fuckin tired of all this shit...man.....this is wat i hate the most abt this luv thingy......i just hate it....hate this feeling.....



log mujhe ittna chota aur gira hua samajhtay hain that i wud get mad coz SUMBODY didnt invite me....huhhhh.....fukzzzz yar......im glad u know me this much.....i really am....!!!...at least i get to know abt my own self more thru such lame blames.....i just cant read the whole statement any where in my whole blog :S:S:S "WHY SHOULD I BE HAPPY ....I WASNT INVITED"...huhhh......who cares i was invited or not.....i wasnt even intending to attend the party even IF i was invited......and the big day was for MY friends who got shields and celebrated......and they (old friends) were happy coz they won and i wasnt happy coz there wasnt any point of me being happy for sumthing i wasnt linked to......anyways......why the hell am i givin these explanations.......



im damn tooooo sure, U wont believe in this.....and i just DONT care.....belive it or not.....trust me or not....thats ur problem and not mine..... keep rolling ur eyes as u wont get to do anything else when talking or thinking abt me......



i dont get this....y do U divert everything towards u.....im pointing towards the negative things......simply....wheneva i write anything i disliked....U take it as i was pointing towards U......and if ever i write anything abt wat i feel (the gud things which im MOSTLY writing for U.....U dont even notice :S:S:S)



and u Super S......wat did ya do to me???......how cud i ever forget u??? havent we been together for the past ten years .....if im not wrong.....have we not been sharing each and every moment for our lives????....how cud i turn so selfish and mean for u???......someone whom i care for as well.....have u forgotten the days when u used to wait for me siting on those cold stairs in the cold morning.....and the time when we used to have our breakfasts at the canteen with those gurma garam samosas and pepsis.....and the time when we used to have fights almost daily...during the dmc reigm.....when u were geting more towards paro and me towards dumber.....and remember those long fone calls....jis per hum aik dosray say gilla kiya kertay thay for ignoring each other........huhhhhhh.......man.....i wish everything cud b the same.....it IS....but i guess u dont feel so.....i didnt miss ur call intentionally....sum guests were there and i had to.......but ur poem is marvelous.....im in luv with ur poetic skills.....thanx yaar.....per plz.....i swear i havent got anything....any gilla or shikwa....in my mind or heart.....its still the same as it used to be..... and i know.......u wud still wait for me in cold mornings, on those icy stairs....if need be.........


i just luved this part of ur poem...and i think it wasnt amature.....these r ur true feelings....i believe that....but wat shud i do yar to tell u my true feelings...as i cant write poemms as u do :S:S:S:S:S




koi shikwa ho to muh say beyaan kero
koi gila ho tyo mujh say kaho
apnay dill ka haal mujh per eyaan kero
yoon na apnay dil ko runjoor kero
AISAY NA MUJHE TUM, UPNAY SAY DURR KERO




God....when im always too sure and secure abt those i luv....y do they not feel the same for me.....wat do i lack in???? y cant i get upon wat ppl expect from me???? y cant i give ppl happinesss......sumthing that i have always wished for.....?!?!?!?!?!




man....i think either i cant handle this luv thing....its really too hard for me.....or else SOMEONE doesnt wanna go on.......but wateva it is....it shud either end or.....
wat i can conclude is only and only that im not a gud match for U....or for anyone.....i need someone......with some qualities....or call that sum restrictions that i wud impose and he has to abide by them: (f we hafta live together)



he shud have this blind trust in me (just wat i wud have in him as well)

he shud be soft-spoken (as i hate this abusive language people out there use)

he shud be more open and talk to me abt my mistakes $ any grudges...DIRECTLY....

he shud be the one who pours out all those gillas & shikwas outta his heart



man.....this doesnt mean he hasnt got any rights....i wud luv him to present me my limitations and his rulz for me.....and i promise i wud follow anything and everything he wants me to.....unless and until my conditions r being fulfilled.....



Smilez for U.....
just dont take anything to ur head.....
its just abt someone ,who feels, U dont need it any more

OK.....

im gud.....just listened to sum very lively music and watched videos by VENGABOYZ with dancing gulrs.......hehehe....tried dancing myself too :P:P:P .... and its true music sumtimes cahnges ur mood....



the plants r going gud.....tying to make this fertilizer these days.....and im sure....yeh fertilizer khatay hi saray plants aik dum fit ho jain gay :P:D......and i wish there was sum similar fertilizer for my attitude towards my studies too :S:S .... studies really not goin well....and im quite quite tense about that....my final papers r just around the corner...and i dont wanna lose the game again...i really dont! i wish and hope from the deepest of my heart that God plz get me admitted in the med clg this year...plz...plz....



......and just re-realized that this four letter word LOVE really makes u go crazy.....i thought wat i used to feel...and am feeling....was not right and/or normal.......i thought it was like going mad/crazy/paranid......but......now i know....im just like all other luvers.....not a bit different...... a close friend of mine luved one of his net friends.....and she too luved him a lot....she lived there in germany and he lives in lahore....they had never met or seen each other live....still they thought they were soul-mates and all that.....they wud call each other....she wud call him and even talk to his mother and father.....they used to write letters to each other and exchange gifts and all that stuff.....but suddenly the gulrs parents found out that this wasnt right for their gurl....being ahmadis they shudnt be invlved in anything like this....esp a luv bases on net friendship.....and eventually the gurl.....bound by her parents..... decided to leave her beloved/lover......and my friend who is still mad abt her..... just wrote this one thing for her...which is i guess more than wat we call as simple luv...


Dear *X*

When I was five, I believed in God. For some reason that I can never figure out, I used to think God looked like my father. I thought he had a moustache. I thought he was very strict and would punish me on my mistakes. I thought he was sitting on a chair in the sky, reading a newspaper, waiting for me to die so that he can punish me. Eventually I grew up to be fifteen. I had seen life go on, I had seen people burn themselves in the mighty fire of the society. I saw bent backs, worried faces, and the never ending hardships. That was the first time when I realized I probably do not believe in God. I realized God can not be like my father. God can not be so helpless! If he exists, he probably looks like someone else. I think he looks like you.

Your Slave,
*Y*



man.....impressed....arent ya???? i wish i cud write this to SOMEONE.....and more than that....i wish that the girl believes in these words of a true lover.....just wat i wish for myself too !!!



heard this song by AJ....liked it...thou i do not like that guy or any of his other songs.....but this ones gud.....mujhe piyaar chahiyey



meray ishq ka jo iqrar karay
woh yaarr chaiyey
mujhe piyaar chahiyey....
mujhe piyaar chahiyey....


jo ishq ki hudd ko paar karaaay
woh khumaar chahiyey
mujhe piyaar chaiyey.....
mujhe piyaar chaiyey.....




...thats it
best wishes for all

hUh.........

the day started and passed.....boring....tiring...and bla bla......spent most of the time in my room with me, myself and enjoyed my own company.....today was to b a BIG DAY for sumone.....yeah....fr sum ppl....but not for me....so why the hell wud i b happy ?!?!?!?



khair....wrote this debate for a friend last night....the topic was Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus....had to write against this notion....it was hard but tried my best.....wrote quite well....and Allah ka shukar.....izzat rukh li Us nay.....she got the first position in the inter-faisalabad debate competiton that was held today in the madina town college....and she got this big big shiny silver trophy....its was damn tooooo pretty....and im very very glad....she gave me the honour of holding that trophy coz she thought she got that only coz of me :D:D:D........ DUMBER yar u have given me the best present....u gave me more esteem than wat i really deserved..... thanx buddy ........at least u remembered me in ur gud times......werna ppl these days dont even give a damn abt their friends when/if they get fame/new friends ....!!!



and hey.....yaar dumber shukar kero Allah ka k i didnt stand against u...werna aj woh trophy meray kumray main peri hoti aur main KFC main...:P:P khair...May God give u even more success.....aur thori si ukul bhee takeh tum khud upni speech likh sakoo aur meri neend haraam na kero :P:P:P



and yeah...theres this bad bad news.....meray saray plants aik aik ker k kharab hotay ja rahey hain....according to exactterminology.....surtay ja rahey hain....dunno exaclty y its happening.....lack of water, CO2,or care......sum r getting yellow while the rest r turning totally black :(:(.....the yellowing might b CHLOROSIS....which is most prolly caused by lack of magnesium in plants.....per reason diagnose ker k main kiya karun gi....usl mutlub tu solution say hay........



this afternoon i smelt all the five roses (four yellow and one pink) that have appeared from the buds in the lawn....and also the 24 of the red n orange mix breed flowers and the only lonely tiny sunflower.....man oh man....it feels sooooooo gud to c the flowers on the plants u planted bloom like this in the afternoon sunshiine :D:D:D....the most heavenly feeling i have ever gone thru.....and the most HELL-LY feeling when u c them dieing :(:(



khair...nothing else to say.....just lookiin forward towards the party dumbers gonna throw very soon....hopefully kafi shughal mela ho ga...INSHA ALLAH......:D:D:D.....and listening to this newly downloaded song Aik Adhoori Suhaag Raat.....though the title might sound quite cheap....BUT WAT U PERCEIVE IS NOT ALWAYS TRUE......so the song is really nice....addicted to it...luvin it.....the music is very soft (almost nill)....and the lyrix simple and eaily understandable.....thouh the vocals r not very gud but on the whole.....THIS SONG TOUCHES MY HEART......



hum nay khaey hay kasam
hongay naaaa juda hum



just says everything in these two lines...the whole story....the intended destination!!!!!!

Sad / Mad / Hurt :S:S:S

this is the worst state i have ever been in....im having lots of feelings and emotions.....all at once.....i havent got anyone to turn to rite now (except for God offcourse....jst talking abt human beings)..... i guess whenever i need sumone to talk to....nobody's there....and when someone is there....i dont have anything to talk abt....wat the hell man....



now....telling u....DA BLOG.....im sad....coz im sad....its coz of this weather, coz of ppl around me, coz of me myself, i dunno...:S:S wateva yar....just feel like crying....dunno the reason....and this really makes me feel worse when i wanna cry but i cant....i cant....becuz my eyes dont remain loyal to me at such times....i cant.... coz may be my warrior kinda self freezes all my tears sumwhere inside my body....but im sure.....wateva it is....its not gud....it doesnt feel gud to me ......and wat i can conclude is that im sad for sum obvious reasons too.....first might be that im missin SUMONE....keepin in view kabhi kabhi baat ker laina doesnt mean u wont miss sumbody.... sumtimes u live together still u miss sumone....its just a feeling depicting luv and/or insecurity......secondly i just felt like talking to SUMONE....but cudnt make it.....:(:(



and im mad.....man....studys ka burden is getting over my head....i cant get anything into my head....ppl around me r soo intelligent and hard working....im gettin into sum kinda of complex i guess....i hope this isnt true....im really scared of the way i have started feeling now-a-days.....God help me out.....plz....iss dafa mera medical clg main adm zaroor kerwa dain...plz...plz.....only u cud do this.....and plz make me study hard instead of just sitting with depression :S:S:S



......and yeah....im hurt.....ppl keep hurting each other.....even i keep hurting everyone around me.....but there's a bit difference in the HURTS or wateva noun we use for it.....a few ones r those that give u bad feelings for a short time and u forgive and forget.....but certain ones r so hard n tuff....that it takes a long long time to forget them....and u neva feel like forgivin them :S:S:S:S ......man...... i have always held my friends in high esteem.....i have always cared for them.....helped them.....loved them....and i dunno how and why this happened to me....one of my very very gud friends has deceived me....betrayed a friend like me???......i dun say that im a very this and that kinda friend....still i luv this thing abt me that im always sincere towards my friends.....and wat did she do to me......she was the one who used to say....how did i ever live without u areej and once areej, u r like somthing i live for!.... ........ and wats happenin now...hmmm.......i wish i had never had any feelings for her....



just lots and lots of sighsss......God help me out......plz.....