Brake...

ok....im back from lhr for a few days.....few means = two three or may b four....not sure....khair....i did enjoy my time over there.....but not much,....ur home is always ur home....the best place in the whole world.....missed everyone and everything....


bloggy...im sorry....i dont feel like writing much tonight.....havin mixed feelings rite now.....so better leave and take sum sleep.....byezzz

:(

okay....today was a real bad day....im too tired rite now....and tonight i swear i wont right much.....have a bad alcer in my mouth....also got my braces tightned....and oil to flame im gettin a wisdom tooth.....so.....my whole jaw and inner mouth is achin like hell.....i cant eat anything ....cant even drink water.....it hurts too much....


the doc said: dont u think it IS the time for u to get ur wisdom tooth....

and: ub ukul itnay aram say tu nahi aa jati na


the alcer is terrible....even more than this so-called wisdom tooth.....dont want my wisdom to get four-times......:S:S:S


okay....didnt do any significant thing the whole day.....just prepared french friens for my family and helped mom make those rainbow sandwiches.....and this was the first time ever that everybody praised wat i made :D:D:D:D


Dumber woke me up too early today.....kept cursin her the whole day :P:P....suba suba uss ki shakal dekhi thee....sara din......huhhhhhhh :@:@:@


....just filled out my nust forms....INSHA ALLAH baba wud get them submitted tomorow....i hope this time i;ll do a bit better than last year......still my prep is almost nill.... waisay b ppl say k nust k liyey u need an approach more than books-prep......so wat will happen is totally in Allah's hands.....i can just pray.....


tired...
numb...
sick...
sleepy


...............leaving

Tryin' to be an Optimist !!!

this was one relievin plus depressing day in all......i had sooooo much fun after a very longg time and im quite happy for that :D:D:D but there came sum moments when i felt really down.....


ok....last night i slept quite late.....got up at 5.00 am with a thought that i was forgettin sumthing....suddenly out of all that darkness......came this reminder of the promise i had made to Dumber......i had to go for shoppin with her at 11.30 am....that was the first moment ever that i hated wakin up at that time......so....set the alarm....got up in time....got ready and we two went shoppin.....no doubt i enjoyed this short expedition a lot.....bought a whole stock of chocolates for this month and helped dumber buy sum stufff....


then got back...had sum snacks with her....then had yummmy kinda lunch....mom cooked haleem and i luved it :D:D:D:D without any exaggeration....it was really very tasty....and those green chillies....man oh man......shit-freezin maza !!!


okay.....after that.....instead of takin a nap....i logged on to net.....tried consolin and easin sumone very special and dear....but i guess i failed....tried a lot....but one thing.....i decided at that very moment that i have selected my future path and i hafta b steadfast....INSHA ALLAH i will b....


had a party at night....Sooper S gave us a treat for becomin a proud khala of a cute nephew....phewwwwww...... yeah....omars too cute.....:D:D:D we had a lotttt of fun.....held him in my arms for sum time....felt too gud.....:D:D and luved the food (as usual :P).....four hours flew so fast that we wanted time to stop and let us enjoy our lives to the utmost forever!!!! just a stupid wish thou :S:S


now these were the happiest moments of the day....but had sum bad ones too.......okay....had fights with aqsu twice and once with sooper S....the coz of first one was certainly that sid thingy......i care for her....i admit it....i madly do....i wud help her anytime and everytime....all i want is that she looks back at me.....bayshuk kisi kaam k liyey hi ho.....i wont mind it.....i know shes too stupid and i cant let her destroy her life no matter she considers me a fool rite now....hopefully kabhi tu ussay ukul aye gi na.....khair....dun want ANYONE....i mean it anyone....to cum and try to convince me against her......then the second topic of argument was abdullah....i hate him man......hate him more than hell....he was a dick-head and wud remain......she thinks i misbehaved.... huhhhh......fuck him.....i hate ppl like u who wud go to any limits just prove an asswhole right ......khairr....this is gona b the last warning....next time i wont hesitate tellin my family......and mind it aqsu this time....u r my best bud but when talkin to me....b my friend and not his sis.....thats final.....


now the worst part.....gettin missed calls from sum MF....and this is gettin serious....told baba and bhai abt it....and they just dont take it seriously :S:S:S they think it cud b any of my friends....abt dunno y im damn too sure its not any friend....frends r not that much cheap.....whoever it is...INSHA ALLAH wud learn sum lesson very soon.....and believe me aqsu....if it comes out to b abd or ali....im not gonna spare ya this time.....thats gonna b the end.....


okay.....abt my prep....its goin too bad....still in search of sum safarish... huhh....hate this pakistani system.....but i know i got no right to bark and bark against the system....untill n unless i cant do sumthing myself to improve it....bol tu her koi sukta hay....per iss ka faida kiya????


khair.....its gettin late....but i hafta share one more thing.....today...came this instant....i just felt i had lost everything....i felt as if my life lay in front of me deafened-blinded-sickened.....i felt as if i cud not breathe....sumthing inside me froze or melted.....dunno wat happened.....but just this single thought of losing *U* made me throw out.....i just wanted to run away.....disappear....become invisible....im sure im not running away from reality and im being practical too....i've got a complete right over my life....my family cant force me....they never did and they shudnt....i am capable of thinkin.....and its not that im blind....i better know who cud prove to b gud for me....above all i have trust....


i gotta have all that i want....INSHA ALLAH.....if we wud b gud for each other....we certainly will get together....

Is It Must to Give Every Post a Title?

so at last i found sum time for u blogi :P:P i got online twice today just to chk if U were online or not.....but my bad luck.....cudnt catch ya....


anyways....likes gettin tuffer day by day.....they say i need not study much for adm in amc....all i need is an approach from sum army official havin a high post! so thats how we chk the aptutde of students in pakistan....me quite frustrated....i gotta get adm sumwhere this year INSHA ALLAH.....and im tryin to study....but dunno wheneva i open my books, sumthing happens and i just dont feel like studying.....


i myself cant figure out wats botherin me....but there really is sumthing....sum unknown error has occured :S:S


the days r passin by.....liked the weather at sum point.....but right at the other moment i hated it.....i just cudnt stand the mud and water spread everywhere......but the gar-ma-garam samosas aur thunda thunda mango juice made me feel sooooooo gud :D:D:D:D yummmy....maza aa gya....Allah plz give my family a long and happy life....(AMIN)


so...nothing else...hope to complete the phy part I tonight.....INSHA ALLAH.....its pretty much borin and stupid....needs lots of crammin and very lil understandin.......but i hafta do it and i will INSHA ALLAH....im just watching the vdo of Aik Din Aye Ga by Jal....dont like the band much....but the vdo is quite motivating.....and the KE building has impressed me a lot......INSHA ALLAH aik din aye ga....jub main wahan perh rahi hun gi ....so everybody reading this blog has got this duty to pray for me :D:D


so take care all....


and yeah....I GET IT.....WE WILL INSHA ALLAH DO THAT SUM DAY VERY SOON :D:D


Hope For The Best.......(and no doubt prepare for the worst too)....but WE gotta have the best with our high spirits and wholehearted prayers :D:D

At Lassssttttt :D:D:D

hmmm.....okay....i feel very gud....almost at the top of the world..everything is settled.....thanx God....


this is the first time i have experienced that a discussion of just a few minutes....hardly half an hour....cud solve a problem.....a situation that cud have changed my whole life.....i really felt last night that eertyhing had to get over.....after all i read yesterday and the way i felt, i just wanted everything, every relation, every emotion to take a halt....i was deing for a change....


per thanx a lot.....bundles of thanx to Allah Almighty.....:D:D:D


it feels great....im happy....im happy i didnt do anything wrong....or that nothing wrong happened.....its true.....u cud solve anything and everything on table....in a calm way!


so i advise everyone out there....chillz yaar....no need to get out of ur senses.....no need to decide everything at a single thought....just ponder for sumtime before takin any important decision.....life is nothing like a DO or DIE situation....its not a battle field......


okay....from now onwards....as everything is settled....i hafta work over my aim as i prmoised to myself to do........my full time is now donatedto studies......limiting my net hours from tomorow....(off course aj kafi khushi ka din hay...so i MUST b spendin the whole night here :P:P)


hey....blogi....dont miss me MAN.....(the only MAN between US :P:P) i'll b back soon insha Allah.....and i hope i'll b findin out sum time for u and U....

..................................

okay....its been more than 4 hours since i blogged.....but im feelin quite bad....so cudnt do anything else since 9.30 except for netting....talked to yasir...felt so great...hes the one person u can always count on....trustworthy plus gud-advicer.....so he has calmed me down a lot....and im trynna act upon his advice : i need to be calm and cool-minded. anger wont lead me to anywhere gud. and i need to talk everything over before it gets too late


and he denied to accept the one advice i used to give myself (and tried to act upon that) that is....let the water flow and it will find its own way he says we have to pave the way for the water ourselves....otherwise tsunamis and floods always destroy us.....ok...thats quite convincing for me....thanx buddy....


so in quite a cool way....i admit that i MIGHT been wrong to U.....but i still cant figure it ot where i went wrong....for not letting u call me??? or for lettin sid call me even at nights??? and i still cant figure that out what did i hide or didnt bother to tell.....okay....first off....b cool.....and try NOT to use abusive language for my friends...thou thats all ur choice.....still....i WONT force u....just an advice which hopefully u wont accept :S:S....anyways...moving on.....


abt hiding things.....i wud certainly luv u to inquire me....if u cud ask for my passwords....u shud have first asked me all that u wanted to know abt me....i thot u trusted me the way i did...i never INQUIRE u abt who calls u or who doesnt....and abt NOT BOTHERING TO TELL....man....do u remember the time when u were like kidnapped....did u care to tell.....NO.....ENN OOO.....no.....i got to know abt the whole story right at the time when it happened but never wanted to hurt u by tellin k i DID know of all that....and never did i want u to tell that to me....even if u were not on the wrong way, u might avent felt right to tell me abt that....so ITS OKAY....that wasnt a big deal....


all that i mean to say is u always keep secrets or that u dont think sumthing is worth telling....that doesnt mean u r cheating at that person.....


okay....u know that and i know that....its not gonna work out between the two of us.....i mean jub tumhain iss baat per hi yekin nahi k i have got serious feelings abt u....aur tumahin meri kisi aur baat ka yakin hi nahi hay....tu wats the point.....


i just dont wwanna comtinue with this cold-war type era....wat i have always believed in is discussing out matters and solving them.....and not kepin grudges like jahil people....if u wanted to ask abt anything u shud have directly asked me....per no....wat u did was insulting me among all those who read ur blog....huuhhh.....anyways....


forgive and forget....

we better not depress each other.....

if u DO wanna discuss all this then u r most welcome...just gimme sumtime between 12-1 pm or anytime after midnight....


the only conclusion i have got to....is that u r tired of this relation...u just dont want to continue or that im not gud enuff for u....i know....i CANT satisfy u ever.... may b coz the both of us have got totally different perspectives of like....or may b coz one of us is ME....a prob for all!

fukzzzzzzzzzz...

today was a real bad day....thw worst one i ever i had....almost felt like crying.... infact did att hat pasrt of time.....one the bad weather, second the bad fever, thrid that one death, and the list goes on and on.....


okay....weathers changing....flowers r sprouting from those buds....but they didnt seem gud today....showed sooper S all of them but not with that fervour i usually do...dunno y....still nothing seemed much inspiring or commiting today :S:S


my fever isnt getting gud.....i have got this severe pain on my right tonsil....didnt tell anyone....taking drugs for that....hopefullly they'll work this time Insha Allah.... and i hope theres nothing serious abt that.....those spots wud recover soon.....INSHA ALLAH......and i promise not to go against the prescription this time.....


hmm....had this one sir.....liked him a lot....a nice, gentle,handsome and decent person.....polite and calm personality.... last time i met her sis.....way two years back, his sis told me they were lookin out for a girl for him....then i cudnt get a chance of meeting him again.....but i heard a year back that he had got married to sum nice gurl.....yeah....that was quite a happy moment.....but the worst scene....he just died....coz of a brain tumour....had a two months old daughter.....his tumour was diagonnised after his marrige....MAY HE LIVE PEACEFULLY IN HEAVENS (AMEEN).....i heard he had quite a tuff time all thru his last days....those traumatic pains he used to have cudnt b cured easily.....was just one cure....and that surely was DEATH.....so he got rid of the pain.....


this news was quite shockin and breath-takin for me....cudnt really consume it easily....almost cried.....and felt quite nauseautic for a long time....how life cud b so bitter to such a nice man....may b nice ppl r born too die soon :S


dumber threw her birthday party today....went their....she luved the presents i gave....others' gifts were nice too...esp that five feet high POOH her fiance' brought for her all the way from dubai....haaaa.....ppl actually do a lot in luv! ok...the party was gud....everything was perfect....esp the stuffed chicken she made esp for me...:D:D
babes....u rok....(sometines :P)


and got back....had to go to this other dinner....cudnt make it....just cudnt...baba's best friend was here....that lovely man just spent millions of ruppees on his daughters weddin a month ago....ad a week back....doctors diagonsed him having a liver cancer..... actually he had hapatitis C....so it costs 50 lacks for him to get a liver transplant...no wonder....but in pakistan....such facilities r not available...so he has to go to india, china or may be singapore....but the worst part.....HE CUDNT GET A LIVER THAT WUD MATCH TO HIS TISSUES FFROM ALL THESE THREE COUNTRIES......this is how sumtimes u cant buy life with money!.....and huh...americans have already got lines for liver recepients and dont prefer it to b given to a paki....anyways....hes got two more daughters to get married off....so dunno wat trauma he really is goin rite now.....MAY GOD HELP HIM OUT....AMEEN....


and yeah now.....mind that dude....i just dont need to answer back....or wat u call as "make up"......i really dont....main nay aj tuk upnay maan baap ko kisi cheez ki explanation nahi di....and i wont b doin that even if that U.... jis jo samjhna hay samajhta rahey.....i have already told ya a million times that dont mistrust me....but who fuckin cares.....think wateva u want to.....tumhari soch kaam hi yahin tuk ker sukti hay......huhhh.....callin u....my foot....mind that....tumhain yahan friends wali list main jitnay alrkay nazar aa rahey hain na.....they ALL call me....huh.....but u wont ever get this.....u never had ur parents trust....and u cant stand anyone else havin it....thats all i can say for u.....


anyways....this isnt gonna lead us anywhere....lolz....this story has taken a 180 degree twist....but anyways.....i know u r gonna laff at all this when u get to know abt the real thing....


NO REGRETS, NO APOLOGIES!

....Thine is All Love....

okay....got online after a few days....wasnt feelin well all thru last three days.... aur ub my condition has been even more worsened.....khair....life is really fucked up write now.....did this course of anti-biotics....no gud.....have got an abcese again (howeva we spell it :S)....and its aching....whole right side....swolen tonsil...deafened ear.... watering eyes....haaaaahhhhhhhh


khair.....hereby tonight i declare....jibran...yaar i luv u....u agree or not....believe it or not.....i really cant force u to accept this....but i know i can prove this by my expressions, deeds or wateva......i dont care whether u reject me or accpt me....i want to c u happy....with me or with anyone out there.....i wud b a lot happy if u accept me...... ya know wat....i cant say that whether i wud b able to live without u or not.... but the real thing is i dont want to live without u ...... i cant say whether we wil get to b together or not....but wat i think is if we ever do...we wud INSHA ALLAH make the best couple ever..... ya know wat....even if not in real life.... but i have lived a whole life with u....a nice happy family life.....in my dreams n fantasies.....i dunno wat u think abt me....but the only thing that matters to me is that i really care abt u....may b i can never show that to u.....but that is a fact....


okay.....now it comes up to me....as always....i was quite bored of the academy and all that stuff....now quite shocked at hiding things and love tu door ki baat....anyways.....life has to go on....i have just got this mood swing in a second.....comin from the previous paragraph to this paragraph....i have become a totally different person....but fuck everything.....all that was true and is true irrespective of the mood swing or the paragraphs :S


my papers r just around the corner...and as i said....medical is another dream for me.....at least i can turn this one into a reality....and insha Allah this year i will.....INSHA ALLAH.....be it pmc or aku....any institute wud do that for me!


okay....another thing tht i have decided.....I AM NOT TO USE NET ANY MORE......i hafta concentrate on my studies and i shudnt b wasting my time on anyting else.....but i also want to settle down everything....all misunderstandings or hidden secrets :S.....before i take a leave from net.....otherwise i just wont b ablle llto concentrate on anything else...... so i hope i'll be talking everythin over very soon......INSHA ALLAH


so...take care all....bye


but before i go....here r the lyrix i promised to post....*Please Forgive Me* by Bryan Adams...(dedicated to the one i luv....but unfortunately cud never prove)



Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss, it's gettin' better baby
No one can better this...
Still holdin' on, you're still the one
First time our eyes met, same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger, wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on...

So if you're feelin' lonely don't
you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
so if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
please forgive...I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through...
please forgive me...if I need ya like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true...
please forgive me.....i cant stop lovin ya



still feels like our best times together...
feels like the first touch, still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough...
Still holdin' on, still number one
I remember the smell of your skin...i remember everything
i remember ...all your moves...i remember you, yeah!
i remember...the nights ya know I still do...

So if you're feelin' lonely don't
you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
so if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
please forgive...I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through...
please forgive me...if I need ya like I do
oh believe me every word I say is true...
please forgive me.....i cant stop lovin ya



One thing I'm sure of is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
please forgive...I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through...
please forgive me...if I need ya like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true...
please forgive me.....if i cant stop lovin ya

...Never leave me I don't know what I'd do...
please forgive me.....i cant stop lovin ya

please forgive me.....i cant stop lovin ya