......ub kiya roona
im extensivley listening to Hum Bholay by Noori and Sanwal by MHB... i dunno wats up with me....i just dun feel like hanging around with ppl as i used to when i came to this hostel....i wud luv to keep myself in my room, sit on the chair in front of the pc and listen to thse two songs as many times as i can....
meri zindagi
meray saath nahi
everything is just so fucked up....got back from fsd today....stayed there for like 36 hours i guess.....i had planned k iss dafa aik din main hi kuch acha kaam ker k aaon gi....per literally everything went in vain.....
man....i dunno how and wat am i feelin....these mixed feelings n emotions r killin the inner me....i luv my parents.....i wud hav done anything for them.....i still wud do if i get a chance....per pata nahi y cant i ever get upto their expectations....all they expected from me was to fulfill my own aims...i had always pretended (or aimed) to becum a succesful doc....so much so that my parents had this in their sub-conscious that their daughter wud becum nothing more or less than a doc....man.....i really feel ashmammed of myself....no matter wat....Allah ki zaroor koi behtri ho gi....per still i cudnt fulfil the only thing that my parents wanted....shytee....
they wont ever show that they r sad abt this fact....per am i blind or dumb...i can easily look into my moms eyes....she still sees me as a doc....my baba wud still call me doc sahib.....im sure ten years from now a phase wud cum when i wud regret abt my not working hard to get into medi.....the only feeling k aj say five years baad i wont b wearing the white coat i had always wanted to wear makes me go crazy....i can feel the tears in my eyes which wud certainly not go out but stay there shieldin my eyes.....
kal medical ka result aya tha....all my friends hav got in...i didnt appear for the test out of disappointment....i dun even wat to think k wat if i had appeared...possibly aj main lse ki bajaey pmc main hoti....i had the last chance of gettin into medical clg and today was the last date and i didnt avail that chance either.....this time coz i dun want my baba to invest like 30 lacks over me and then sumone else gets the fruit......im a complete asshole i know....im so confused....
ok....i gtg right now...will continue as im just sooo full.....
meri zindagi
meray saath nahi
everything is just so fucked up....got back from fsd today....stayed there for like 36 hours i guess.....i had planned k iss dafa aik din main hi kuch acha kaam ker k aaon gi....per literally everything went in vain.....
man....i dunno how and wat am i feelin....these mixed feelings n emotions r killin the inner me....i luv my parents.....i wud hav done anything for them.....i still wud do if i get a chance....per pata nahi y cant i ever get upto their expectations....all they expected from me was to fulfill my own aims...i had always pretended (or aimed) to becum a succesful doc....so much so that my parents had this in their sub-conscious that their daughter wud becum nothing more or less than a doc....man.....i really feel ashmammed of myself....no matter wat....Allah ki zaroor koi behtri ho gi....per still i cudnt fulfil the only thing that my parents wanted....shytee....
they wont ever show that they r sad abt this fact....per am i blind or dumb...i can easily look into my moms eyes....she still sees me as a doc....my baba wud still call me doc sahib.....im sure ten years from now a phase wud cum when i wud regret abt my not working hard to get into medi.....the only feeling k aj say five years baad i wont b wearing the white coat i had always wanted to wear makes me go crazy....i can feel the tears in my eyes which wud certainly not go out but stay there shieldin my eyes.....
kal medical ka result aya tha....all my friends hav got in...i didnt appear for the test out of disappointment....i dun even wat to think k wat if i had appeared...possibly aj main lse ki bajaey pmc main hoti....i had the last chance of gettin into medical clg and today was the last date and i didnt avail that chance either.....this time coz i dun want my baba to invest like 30 lacks over me and then sumone else gets the fruit......im a complete asshole i know....im so confused....
ok....i gtg right now...will continue as im just sooo full.....
posted by Great Warrior at 9:22 PM
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